Let's get a little personal.
This is going to take courage... but if you really want what you say you want, it's time to get real.
I found this newsletter I wrote to you in November 2021 - a few months after I got engaged. For those of you who've been part of the alignment tribe since then, you'll know that I ended up calling off that engagement. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made and also one of the easiest, because I could feel inside of me how non-evolutionary it would be to stay in that relationship. It was a requirement, in the name of progressive evolution for me and hopefully my ex-fiancee, that we part ways. I knew that the way through was to let go and make space for a re-alignment to take place. Of course - I couldn't have known how expansive the split would be at the time. I wasn't asking myself "what would be more evolutionary?" No. I was responding to my experience of life and what it was revealing to me. I could detect the unsustainable elements that were being in kept in play through this partnership. I was being fed clear messages... and they were inconvenient to listen to. But, unless I wanted to keep walking through internal quick-sand, it was now my job to stop ignoring. Now here's the thing... leaving my partner would be painful. I would lose a lot. In the short term it would cost a lot.
There were no guarantees of anything "better" coming...
but what I'd LOSE is only part of the story. If I only focused on what I might come to regret and what I might end up without... I'd never move.
This is what causes "settling". When we only focus on our fears, what we'll lose, what we'll miss, the pain of letting go... we stay stuck - trapped - unaligned - limited and in pain.
A lot of the time we are afraid of change because of what we'll lose.
There's a death. Something that once was... will be no more.
A part of US dies. Our deepest fear is that of death... and that is why we hold on so tight.
So, I also had to open to the possibility of what I'd gain.
As I said, at the time I couldn't have known exactly what I would gain and learn and how much I would heal and elevate as a result of making the decision I made last year.
But I did I know that if I stayed, I'd be leaving the feeling of living with deep truth on the table.
I'd be saying no to living in TRUE ALIGNMENT.
Alignment is making choices from a healthy place of deserving (rather than making choices from trauma and conditioning)... and my soul couldn't bare the notion of skimping out on myself. I couldn't pretend and I couldn't ignore. That's not what I came here for.
It was clear that my journey meant moving onwards without the man that I loved - even if it terrified me. And here's what I've always known... most of us wait until it's too late to really start living the life we've been gifted. We can complain about life and all of the difficulties it brings... but if we know we're going to die... this is when we say "NO NO NO! I want to appreciate this opportunity more! I didn't yet properly LIVE! Give me more time!" However, the only time we have to appreciate and use this life, is now. We needn't wait until the last minute to do what we were born to do. Then we'll miss the chance of being able to live with that feeling of alignment that we so deeply crave - because we know it's possible. It's just trapped behind our fears and limiting beliefs. On the other side of my decision... came the ACTIVE CHOICE to level up. Once I'd made the call... it had to be worth it.
We need to be CREATIVE in the face of change. I was here to learn the lessons and upgrade. I knew I had to become something new so that I could become a match for what I wanted. The first lessons came in locating my strength and willpower in staying the course. Not running back to the oxytocin rush that I found in my bond with my ex. Nope. I had to sit through the discomfort of the withdrawal from all of the feelings I used to locate inside of him. I had to now grieve him as the source of many of my feelings... and find them inside of myself. I had to find my willpower to walk forward, when the rose tinted glasses that seem to find their way onto our eyes in the immediate aftermath of a breakup, came to try and confuse me about my choice. Chemical and energetic reclamation after relationships are real things. You can learn about that in this podcast episode here. And so... I committed to going in and doing the work. I opened myself to feeling the feelings. I also don't believe in staying stuck for longer than you need to and battling alone... so I sought assistance from healers to help me cut cords that I'd entangled with my ex. The next lessons came when I was on my Vedic Meditation teacher training in Bali. I sat with the feelings of shame, not-enoughness, unworthiness, embarrassment, fear... all of the stories and core beliefs that had been guiding me up until that point. I looked at myself fully.
I saw experiences in my life and what I'd made them mean and how they had created the lens through which I perceived the world. I saw how my interpretations of the world had led me to some conclusions about myself and how the world operates and how these beliefs had guided my decisions. I aligned with people, places and things that felt familiar or protected me from feeling things I didn't want to feel. We all do that... mostly unconsciously. So - after meditating for up to 14 hours a day for 3 months, I saw my conditioning.
I held myself through all of the intense feelings - the rage, frustration, sadness, anger - as the memories untangled themselves.
They had been highlighted so that I could DELETE these imprints... and rewrite them. I was brave enough to open up and look. It meant that I also opened myself up to feeling intense feelings on the other end of the spectrum - the deepest, most expansive feelings of love, gratitude, humility, power, happiness... (and a few full body orgasms triggered by meditation alone).
REVEAL... FEEL... HEAL. Through this process though... I lost myself. It was an UNBECOMING. My old identity fell away. I unplugged myself from all my old stories... and then... I began the process of rediscovery. WHO IS TRACY without those stories? This can be scary. There can be a grief as we sit in front of a blank page... If I'm no longer those things, if I don't hold those beliefs or think those thoughts, who am I now? The old Tracy had died. So I had to really process that. And then... a new phase begins. This is when we start to shift our focus from what has been lost... to what we have also gained through this process of letting go. The thing is - not everything gets deleted. Obviously. While a caterpillar "unbecomes" into a chrysalis and then out of the cocoon flies a butterfly... the butterfly is still made of the same stuff as a caterpillar, just with new sequencing. So, for me it was about getting used to this new incarnation. And here's what I learned today... In the process of un-becoming and re-becoming, we can momentarily forget some aspects of ourselves, that still remain.
Directly after my teacher training, I was still between worlds. I'd been stripped bare. My identity had transformed. And in that process, I did in fact forget my minerals. I forgot my truth. I'd forgotten how strong I am. Emotionally - physically - spiritually. Thankfully, I was reminded of that this morning in a healing session I did to help me integrate the upgrades of last year. It was a year in which I completely turned my world upside down and shook out all the dirt from the hard to reach corners. The healer showed me to myself in a way that I'd forgotten... I saw what has helped me rise over and over again since I was 10 years old. Far out. I'm strong. I have climbed many mountains. I needed to rest after this last one... but that strength, is still in me. And then... I got another reminder about what has sustained itself despite all the changes. While looking for something else in my inbox, I came across an email I wrote to you 17 months ago, which still feels relevant despite how much I've grown since then. It reveals a continuing theme that I live by. FREEDOM IS FOUND BY FOLLOWING YOUR OWN TRUTH. DO NOT FEEL BOUND BY THE STATUS-QUO.. unless the status quo feels expansive, supportive and nourishing to you. YOU DO YOU. FIND WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. ALIGNMENT IS INDIVIDUAL - and it's about you discovering what works and moving in alignment with your own natural rhythm. TRUTH is YOURS - and you'll know it because you'll feel it in your body. I can help you find the alignment you're looking for. One of my superpowers has been having the courage to stand apart from the herd. It's also been having the power to turn around and walk in another direction no matter how far down one path I've gone. Something else I learned about myself is that I am clairsentient. It essentially means 'clear feeling' – the ability to clearly feel energy. The psychic ability for a person to acquire knowledge by means of feeling. I have always been this way, but I developed and honed it (unintentionally) through my meditation practice. Clearing stress from my physiology and stabilising more subtle states of consciousness has given me much clearer perception. I use these capabilities in ALL of my offerings. This is why my clients feel that deep sense of feeling seen when they work with me. It's why in my first session with 1:1 clients, I can show them aspects of their life and belief systems that are blocking them, that have been sitting in their blind spots for years. Their blocks are often never the things they came to me for help with - but once they see it - this is when we can start to feel and heal. This is how transformation happens. If you're still reading - it means that this speaks to your soul... So, here's an invitation for you - If you're feeling stuck in an aspect of your life... small, big or in between...
You want to change something in your relationship(s)
You want to make a move professionally
You're telling yourself "I can't" or "It's not possible" or "That's just life..." even though a part of you knows that not true
You're moving in circles and can't break a pattern of behaviour or thinking ... why wait? Let's get you moving.
I am opening up my 1:1 coaching container to 2 people who are ready to make the change. This is an ALIGNMENT PROGRAM to help you do what you want to do and be what you want to be. Whether you're looking for support with your nervous system - so that you can sleep again, get fit again and feel energised and motivated... Whether you're wanting to feel full and inspired after too long feeling empty... Whether you're wanting deeper, more nourishing relationships, professionally or personally.. Whether you want to find your purpose or make a big, scary decision to start or stop something... This program will help you. This program is called ReBirth. It will eventually be taught as a group program... but right now, I'd like to offer it 1:1 with the option to sit it again for free when it runs as a group. The investment is INSANELY good value. But this is a decision that needs to come from your body - not the mind gymnastics. That's your fear and conditioning. This rationale has aggravated me before - but whenever I've actually put my over-intellectualising down and played with following my body - I've never been wrong. You will learn how to see the world differently than you do now... so that you can feel more purposeful, positive and powerful. This is not easy work - it will stretch you - but if you want true alignment, it takes courage. You bring your stuckness... I'll bring the oil... and let's open those doors for you to walk through.
If you want to see if it'll fit you, send me an email: hello@tracyalexander.co
Session One begins May 10th.
Trace xx
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I am often sharing news about upcoming classes on my stories - so jump on over and let's hang out there!